Posts Tagged ‘Mary Mashburn’

The Lingonberry Taco

January 22, 2010

Well, that’s that: Yorvit Torrealba, ex-Colorado Rockies catcher.

Too bad. Great teammate, the pitchers apparently loved him, he could communicate with Latin American players in their first language, and the dude had a knack for big hits in big moments. Not to mention the great nickname Mary gave him — the above headline — upon hearing his oddly Scandinavian/Hispanic name over the loudspeaker at Coors Field.

But eventually, you need to do more than get hits only in big moments. And homer every once in a while, willya? Miguel Olivo, the guy who’ll replace him as the backup catcher — assuming Chris Iannetta wins the starting job — has a bunch of power and a much better arm for throwing out base stealers.

So the Lingonberry Taco takes his act elsewhere.

No hard feelings. He jilted the Rockies and their fans a couple of years ago, only to come crawling back when the Mets got weirded out and backed away from a contract. Cool. We were glad to have him around again.

He’ll be fine. And wealthy.

He’s a successful — not to mention unique — fast-food franchise waiting to happen.

Mary’s already named it, after all.

Billion-Dollar House of Cards

December 8, 2009

This morning, I woke up feeling chunky and stiff all over, worried about bills and deadlines, resenting the two-hour commute ahead and sensing a head cold coming on.

To make myself feel better, I kept repeating: “At least I’m not Tiger Woods.”

As a semi-horrible golfer with a huge handicap in financial planning, I never thought such a day would come.

Drugs? Lovers? “Sexting?” He has money, fame, a bikini-model wife, cars, a mansion, a ripped physique and an unprecedented golf game … and that’s not good enough?

The Softball Coach showered, yanked a wrinkled shirt from the closet, pulled mismatched socks from the underwear drawer (laundry day!), dressed, kissed my lovely, cooing wife goodbye and limped off to the train station.

Lucky and happy to be me.